| Rockin' News for May 27 ,2009 |
Music giants prove you don't have to be tall to rock out
The world's a cruel place for a short dude. Barred from basketball, left off firefighter shortlists, and unable to ride Space Mountain, his
life is a never-ending "you must be this tall to ride" sign.
Music is the only place a short dude can go for salvation. While most athletic teams, branches of the armed forces, and theme parks
have height requirements, bands do not. A 5-foot-tall dude may never be starting guard for the Lakers, but there's nothing preventing
him from shredding a solo at Madison Square Garden. He may get overlooked at the McDonald's counter trying to order a Happy Meal, but
he's always 10 feet tall on the JumboTron.
Some say short dudes compensate for their lack of height by becoming overachievers or hostile. Or both. It's not my job to
psychoanalyze just to lay out some selectively chosen facts that make my case the way I want.
So I present you with Rock's Short List. Randy Newman was wrong. Short people DO have reason to live. It's rock 'n' roll.
The world's a cruel place for a short dude. Barred from basketball, left off firefighter shortlists, and unable to ride Space Mountain, his
life is a never-ending "you must be this tall to ride" sign.
Music is the only place a short dude can go for salvation. While most athletic teams, branches of the armed forces, and theme parks
have height requirements, bands do not. A 5-foot-tall dude may never be starting guard for the Lakers, but there's nothing preventing
him from shredding a solo at Madison Square Garden. He may get overlooked at the McDonald's counter trying to order a Happy Meal, but
he's always 10 feet tall on the JumboTron.
Some say short dudes compensate for their lack of height by becoming overachievers or hostile. Or both. It's not my job to
psychoanalyze just to lay out some selectively chosen facts that make my case the way I want.
So I present you with Rock's Short List. Randy Newman was wrong. Short people DO have reason to live. It's rock 'n' roll.
Prince (5' 2")
One of the most diminutive
musicians around, Prince
makes up for his height by
wearing high heels, playing
every instrument on his
recordings, and making sure
none of his women are
taller than him - and wear
flats.
One of the most diminutive
musicians around, Prince
makes up for his height by
wearing high heels, playing
every instrument on his
recordings, and making sure
none of his women are
taller than him - and wear
flats.
John Mellencamp (5' 7")
The former Johnny Cougar fits the
profile of an angry short dude. He
was arrested at age eight for
breaking and entering, started his
first band at 14, and lost a
college job for using profanity. To
complicate the theory, though, his
wife is supermodel Elaine Irwin,
who stands at 5 feet 11 inches.
The former Johnny Cougar fits the
profile of an angry short dude. He
was arrested at age eight for
breaking and entering, started his
first band at 14, and lost a
college job for using profanity. To
complicate the theory, though, his
wife is supermodel Elaine Irwin,
who stands at 5 feet 11 inches.
Bono (5' 7 1/2")
Bono is the classic overachiever. He's
determined to be in the biggest rock
band in the world, save said world,
and receive all of its accolades (he's
the only person to be nominated for
an Academy Award, Golden Globe,
Grammy, and Nobel Peace Prize). If
the dude was 6 feet 1 inches tall,
we wouldn't know who he is.
Bono is the classic overachiever. He's
determined to be in the biggest rock
band in the world, save said world,
and receive all of its accolades (he's
the only person to be nominated for
an Academy Award, Golden Globe,
Grammy, and Nobel Peace Prize). If
the dude was 6 feet 1 inches tall,
we wouldn't know who he is.
Thom Yorke (5' 5 1/4")
The Radiohead singer's
height is overshadowed by
another physical trait: his
left eye, which was closed
shut at birth. Yorke
underwent five operations by
the time he was six to
correct it. He was left with
a drooping eyelid.
The Radiohead singer's
height is overshadowed by
another physical trait: his
left eye, which was closed
shut at birth. Yorke
underwent five operations by
the time he was six to
correct it. He was left with
a drooping eyelid.
Angus Young (5' 2")
The 54-year-old AC/DC
guitarist has played the
instrument since he was five.
And he's dressed in a
schoolboy uniform the whole
time. It's the perfect way to
get people to ignore your
adolescent height: just dress
like a kid.
The 54-year-old AC/DC
guitarist has played the
instrument since he was five.
And he's dressed in a
schoolboy uniform the whole
time. It's the perfect way to
get people to ignore your
adolescent height: just dress
like a kid.
Roger Daltrey (5' 7")
Within The Who, Daltrey had a
reputation for quickly punching
anyone who disagreed with him,
including the 6-foot-tall Pete
Townshend. He also gets around
the height issue by swinging his
microphone around his head
onstage. It adds a couple feet at
least.
Within The Who, Daltrey had a
reputation for quickly punching
anyone who disagreed with him,
including the 6-foot-tall Pete
Townshend. He also gets around
the height issue by swinging his
microphone around his head
onstage. It adds a couple feet at
least.
Ronnie James Dio (5' 4")
Dio sings so loudly and
looks so satanic that no
one would notice his elfin
height. That is, unless
you paid attention to some
of those early band
names, like Electric Elves
and Elf. Those were
unfortunate.
Dio sings so loudly and
looks so satanic that no
one would notice his elfin
height. That is, unless
you paid attention to some
of those early band
names, like Electric Elves
and Elf. Those were
unfortunate.
Iggy Pop (5' 7 1/2")
Iggy's bare-chested stage
antics distract from any
height issues his fans may
possess. Between the
self-mutilation,
stage-diving, and
self-exposure, who's
counting inches (no pun
intended)?
Iggy's bare-chested stage
antics distract from any
height issues his fans may
possess. Between the
self-mutilation,
stage-diving, and
self-exposure, who's
counting inches (no pun
intended)?
Paul Simon (5' 3")
Simon and his duo partner, Art
Garfunkel, have famously feuded for
more than 40 years. Some say the
tension was caused by Garfunkel's acting
career. Others say it was Art's
jealousy of Simon's solo success. I say
it's Simon being overshadowed by a dude
who's 6 feet tall - 6 feet 5 inches with
the Jewfro.
Simon and his duo partner, Art
Garfunkel, have famously feuded for
more than 40 years. Some say the
tension was caused by Garfunkel's acting
career. Others say it was Art's
jealousy of Simon's solo success. I say
it's Simon being overshadowed by a dude
who's 6 feet tall - 6 feet 5 inches with
the Jewfro.
Bob Marley (5' 7")
The Rastaman was proof that big
things come in small packages.
Marley is as close to a musical
deity as you can get. He had a
sound and a message that
transcended mere mortals. And
with his lion's mane of dreadlocks,
you'd think you were standing in
front of a giant.
The Rastaman was proof that big
things come in small packages.
Marley is as close to a musical
deity as you can get. He had a
sound and a message that
transcended mere mortals. And
with his lion's mane of dreadlocks,
you'd think you were standing in
front of a giant.
(Courtesy of new.music.yahoo.com; posted by Shawn Amos on www.getback.com)